Unrequited Love – And How To Handle It

According to Wikipedia:

[ Unrequited love is love that is not openly reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may not even be aware of their admirer's deep affections. ]

Hans Christian Anderson was the original author of “The Little Mermaid” which is very different than the Disney version. Hans Christian Anderson’s tales are my favorite fairy tales (he was a Christian too, by the way).

His tale of “The Little Mermaid” is the perfect example of Unrequitted love.

Have you ever “loved” someone (or love is strong word) have you ever liked someone a lot but they just didn’t reciprocate those feelings? Perhaps maybe, because they didn’t even know those feelings existed, or maybe they do, but they are taken already or don’t quite feel the same way you do.

For the most part, the people we “admire” or “like” or are interested in, don’t even know we feel that way about them. We don’t verbalize it or make it obvious to them our interests and therefore it feels as if we’re walking painfully this delicate journey, hoping that one day their light will flicker on and see us for who we are and how we feel about them on the inside.

So many people go through this, and so I thougth I’d adress it in this blog.

It’s true we must guard our hearts and ask God for wisdom regarding our interests. Maybe the “girl” you like has a boyfriend already – and that could feel disastrous if you pursue her and she has to turn you down because she’s already taken. Perhaps the guy you so admire maybe admires someone else; even though others say he’s single.

Still, the feeling of resisting comes from the fear of “rejection” or disappointment, not because you’re trying to be patient.

Last night, my pastor gave a small speech to a group of athletes in which he said,

“Play without fear! Fight for what you value! Don’t tolerate a single smidgen of fear when you’re on the field. We play to win! We must never be afraid that we’ll loose!!! When losses come, it’s not failure! We need to look at loosing as not a disappointment but something we bounce back from…”

He shared it in a very profound way that just hit me! It was one of those “Wow” moments! I’ve heard of this concept of being “fear free” before, but I just suddenly got a greater understanding of it.

It’s like when you know you’re going to win, why be afraid? Why be afraid to share what you think of someone when you know that at the end, God has someone wonderful for you anyway? That’s it! You must realize that regardless how someone else may feel about you, you need to know that God has someone for you who will love you for YOU! So in the end, you win, even though you might come across some who might not feel that way about you initially…

A friend of mine said it best. She said, “Lexi, there could be 99 guys who may never take notice of you or like you or admire you for who you are, but you don’t need “99″ guys to feel that way about you – all you need is that “one” (1) guy who will!“

Okay, let me put it into perspective (especially to those of you who are going through some type of ‘unrequited love’.)

I’m not suggesting that you should just go up to someone and say, “Hey, I like you. Wanna go out for coffee tonight?” But you shouldn’t be afraid to “Say what you need to say”! That person may or may not reciprocate affection back to you, but that shouldn’t scare you away! Either that person is or isn’t the one!

Don’t be afraid of possibilities! If she isn’t the one, well then, thank God that she isn’t the one! If it is, than it is!!! I understand that sometimes you need to wait and be patient for certain things to happen, I so understand that, but how do you know when is the right time to make a move or to just share your heart? It’s when you have the peace of God. When do you have peace? When there’s absence of fear or the presence of bravery!

“And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds…”

- Colossians 3:15 AMP

This type of confidence settles you either way, whatever happens! You don’t have fear! Perfect love cast away all fear, and Christ is perfect love!!!

For the guys only: sometimes, pursuing a lady is waiting to see if she’s worth pursuing! If you see something amazing in a woman and you’re like “I need what she has as a part of my life”, than that can help you settle in your heart that she’s worth going after – even though there’s the possibility that it may lead to failure, to the point even where you know her and pursuing her with the possibility that she may reject you is more worth it to you than not doing anything.  Sometimes, that takes time (because you have to learn of her character and integrity and how she handles herself through various situations) I understand your pressure, guys! You go through a lot and it’s not easy having to have all the pressure of making the first move and choosing someone (Kinda glad I’m not a guy! )

For the girls: I think this arena is more being confident and secure in who you are. I don’t advise girls to pursue guys, but sometimes you’ll feel the need to share to a guy that you like him. If you don’t have peace about it, don’t do it! If you’re nervous and you battle in your mind “should I tell him?” the answer will be “no”! But I had friends who confidently, without a care in the world share with their friends how much they admire them. Most of the times, if the guy isn’t a bit interested in them, they are at least honored to be admired. But at all possible, if you’re able to communicate – than communicate! But you have to be secure in that whatever happens, you know you’re amazing and it shouldn’t be a big deal anyway if a guy likes you or not – your heart is in God’s hands, where it is safe. If you can get that revelation, there should be no fear!

Don’t look to an external sign to make a move, look for the inner peace of God – that’s what’s more reliable than anything you can figure out with your mind that happens on the outside. But really take your cues from wisdom – if the person’s married, that person’s off limits for sure. If that person has a boyfriend (girlfriend) than don’t try to claim that relationship  or believe that they’ll break up – that’s cruel and is a sign of insecurity. That’s crossing the line into “arrogance” which destroys relationships.

There should be freedom in God to be open to others, especially when you have that peace. Unrequited love is most present in the lives of those who admire someone but are afraid to show it. Let the wisdom of God be your guide, and let the peace of God be your umpire. Above all, be secure in who you are in Christ and true to who you are in Christ, that way, you’ll never feel that love hasn’t been returned back to you.

~ by lexigurl on November 11, 2008.